Body Image and Turner Syndrome

Body Image and Turner Syndrome

Comparisons

I am 4ft 10in tall, overweight, and I have been for most of my life. I have a sister who is two years younger than me, and she is 5ft 6in and has always been skinny. Anyone who has siblings knows that you are constantly compared to them. Most of the time, I didn't mind it. I knew that I had strengths that she did not, and she had different strengths then I did. However, there were times that I was very jealous of her. 

I played basketball for my local rec league when I was young, and I loved it. It was my favorite sport, and at that point, my height wasn't that much of a disadvantage. When I got to middle school, I decided to try out for the school teams. I think that was the first time I realized that there were girls trying out who were almost a foot taller than me. I did not make either of the teams, even though most of my friends did. I was upset, but decided that if I didn't have the height advantage I would just need to work on my dribbling and ball handling skills. I worked very hard over the year, and tried out again as a seventh grader. I had improved a lot, and was hopeful, but was cut again. I was devastated, but kept a good attitude while in the locker room after tryouts. The next day, I got called down to the main office. I walked in, and one of the coaches was waiting for me. She told me that she was very impressed with my attitude the night before, and asked if I wanted to be the manager. I said yes for two reasons, 1. I wanted to be a part of the team, and 2. I was not even 4ft 10in yet, and the basketball coach was easily over 6 ft tall, towering over me. There was no way I was saying no. I didn't even bother trying out my eighth grade year. I knew if I did make a team, it would be the B team with a bunch of sixth and seventh graders, not any of my friends. However, the coach once again backed me into a corner and towered over me, asking me to be the manager again. I enjoyed those years as the manager, but missed playing. Once I got into high school, I joined the swim team instead of playing basketball. My sister, on the other hand, played basketball all through middle school and high school, and was very good at it.

Being overweight and on the swim team in high school does not sound like a good time to anyone. During my freshman year, I did take extra precautions to avoid being seen in my bathing suit. I always had my towel right by the side of the pool, ready to wrap around me as soon as I got out. I also always brought clothes to wear on the deck in between events during meets. The locker room was also a tricky situation. It's not easy to change into a bathing suit and maintain modesty. Most girls would just change in the locker room, not thinking twice about it. I would go into the bathroom, and change in one of the stalls. I was one of the only people to do that, but I didn't care. However, being on the swim team was probably the best thing for me to have done to improve the view I had of my body. The swim team was an incredibly tight-knit group, and I noticed there were other girls who were overweight on the team. By my senior year, I was a captain and just as comfortable changing in the locker room as all of the other girls. Covering myself up was not the first thing I thought off after my races. I would actually look at my times, and wait until I was dry before putting my clothes on over my suit.  I would never have gained that confidence in myself if I had played basketball. I was jealous of my sister at the time, but now I think that getting cut form the team was one of the best things to happen to me. 

"You Remind Me of Fat Amy"

Even if my confidence level had increased, there were still moments when I felt insecure. Once I went to college, I was also on that school's swim team. A few months into the season, there is a big championship meet that is three days long. Our team was staying in a hotel. I am a very quiet person, so I had not gotten to know the girl I was rooming with very well. We were in a room, watching the movie Pitch Perfect getting ready to go to bed. For those of who who haven't seen the movie, Rebel Wilson plays a character who calls herself Fat Amy, so that people don't call her that behind her back. In one of the scenes in the movie, all of the characters are making confessions when Fat Amy admits that her true name is actually Fat Patricia. While we were watching the movie, the girl I was rooming with looked over at me and said, "You know, you remind me of Fat Amy". I was taken aback for a moment, and didn't know what to say. I figured I had two options. I could either get offended, and have the entire weekend of rooming with her be awkward, or I could take a note from Fat Amy and make a joke out of it. I decided to make a joke, so I looked over at her, and in an Australian accent similar to Rebel Wilson's said, "Actually, it's Fat Patricia". I knew she hadn't meant to offend me, and we are actually good friends now. I think that my confidence in myself allowed me to make the joke, and not get offended. One of the things I've learned from my sister is that even people who are tall, skinny, and beautiful have insecurities about their bodies. That's just the way our society is. You can either buy into these insecurities and let it effect you, or choose to accept yourself for who you are and be confident in yourself. 

Shortness and Turner Syndrome

Shortness and Turner Syndrome

How Tall Are You? 

    One of my pet peeves about being short is when people ask me "How tall are you?" Sometimes I honestly want to respond, "I'm 6 ft. 2 in., how tall are you?" just to mess with them and see their reaction (I think it'd be pretty hilarious). Now, I'm not saying that if height gets brought up you can't ask how tall I am, that's normal social interaction. It only bothers me when people ask how tall I am out of the blue, because they were just thinking about how short I am. I've actually had people come up to me and say, "Wow, you're short," like they're just stating a fact. No, really?! I had NO IDEA I'm short! It doesn't offend me or anything, I just don't understand the point of it. They probably expect me to get mad or upset, but I usually just nod my head and say "Yeah...". 

I Am Not An Armrest 

    For some reason that I will never understand, people love putting their elbows on my shoulder when they stand next to me. To me, it almost feels like they just want to show how much taller they are than me; that's the only explanation I can think of. Still, whenever I see somebody whose shorter than me, like a kid, my first reaction isn't "OH! THAT PERSON'S SHORTER THAN ME! I CAN USE THEM AS AN ARMREST!" 

Not Being Able to Reach Things

   The most embarrassing thing is having to ask someone to get something down from a high shelf for you because you can't reach it. It's not embarrassing because you're short. No, it's embarrassing because of how people react to it when you ask them. Instead of just saying, "Oh yeah, sure!" 99% of people say something along the lines of "Awe! You can't reach that?!" or something to that effect. One of these days I'm going to respond with, "No, I can, I just wanted you to do it for me and thought it would be fun to ask." 

Driving and Turner Syndrome

Driving and Turner Syndrome

     I was excited to start Driver's Ed when I turned fifteen, but I quickly began to feel nervous whenever I drove. My nervousness was due to two factors relating to Turner's; my height and spatial difficulties. I got my permit when I was sixteen, and then did not get my license until I was eighteen and had graduated high school. I took the test once when I was eighteen and failed, and then took it again a few months later and passed. When I had my permit I was reluctant to drive; my parents always teased me and said I was the only teenager who had to be forced to drive.

Height and Driving

    A lot of people don't realize how much you're height effects your ability to drive. The height of the seats in my car can be adjusted, but I need to have the seat as high as it will go and be sitting on a pillow to drive comfortably. I also have to have the seat pulled as close to the break and gas pedals as I can. I had been told sitting on a pillow would help me see, but I refused to try it while I had my permit. I think I was embarrassed, and was afraid that when people found out I needed to sit on it they would either tease me, or be afraid that I wasn't a good driver because I had to sit on it. Now I realize that the fact that I recognized that I was having trouble seeing, and made changes to fix it, makes me a more responsible and safe driver, not a bad one. Also, that the only people whose opinion of me I cared about were the ones telling me to try a pillow, so I didn't care if anyone else teased me about it. 

Spatial Difficulties and Driving

   Spatial difficulties are very common in girls with Turner's, and my spatial difficulty was the biggest issue I had with driving. I could never tell if I had time to pull out into traffic or not, or if I had room to go by someone, or if I had room to pull forward when I was parking. I always erred on the side of caution, but it always annoyed my parents when I would sit waiting to turn left when they thought I clearly could have gone. After a lot of practice, I have gotten better at determining these things, and feel much more comfortable driving. 

Friendships and Turner Syndrome

Friendships and Turner Syndrome

     One of the hardest things about Turner's is the fact that it's so rare. In my life, I have only met one other girl with Turner's. This is what has motivated me to start this blog, and a Twitter page dedicated to Turner's as a way to connect with other girls who have it. Even though I don't have any friends with Turner's, I think my friends have had a huge part of how I deal with Turner's.
     When I was little, my parents always told me not to tell anyone about my Turner's. I think this was to protect me, so that my friends wouldn't think of me as having something wrong with me, or tease me about it. Once I got to middle school, I began telling my close friends about it. I remember always getting extremely nervous before telling them, like once I told them they'd think I was weird and not want to be friends with me, or laugh at me. That never happened to me, though. Over time, I have become more open about Turner's, and it's no longer a big deal for me to tell people about it. 
     A lot of my friends don't really know how to react when my Turner's gets brought up. It seems like their hesitant to say anything,or ask questions about it, because they don't want to say or ask anything hurtful or offensive. I understand that, but I would much rather have my friends just say or ask whatever's on their mind, or ask any questions about it. That's what my closest friend, Elizabeth, does. I appreciate it. It makes me feel more comfortable talking about it, and it's just much better than tiptoeing around it. 
      Not having a friend with Turner's was the hardest part of having Turner's for me when I was younger, but the friends I made in middle school and high school helped me a lot. 

Introduction to Turner Syndrome

Introduction to Turner Syndrome

What Is Turner Syndrome?

   Turner Syndrome is a chromosomal disorder that is only found in females, and it is a very rare disorder effecting only 1 in 2,000 females. It is caused by the female missing either part of an X chromosome or an entire X chromosome. 
  Girls with Turner's are typically short (the average untreated height is 4 ft. 7 in.), are infertile due to underdeveloped ovaries, have difficulty with spatial tasks, and have a greater risk of developing Type II Diabetes and Hypothyroidism.

My experience with Turner Syndrome

   I am a nineteen year old college freshman, and my major is nursing. I am 4 ft. 10 in. tall, and will not be able to have children. I also have a mitral valve murmur, which is a heart murmur common among girls with Turners. Basically, your heart has 4 "rooms"; the right and left atria and ventricles. There are also "doors" to these "rooms", called valves. These valves open and close to prevent blood from flowing into one of the "rooms" it's not supposed to go into. The Mitral, or Bicuspid, valve separates the left ventricle and atria. My Bicuspid valve does not close all of the way when my heart contracts, so some of the blood pumping through my heart flows back into the left atria from my left ventricle when my heart contracts. 
   I was diagnosed with Turner's when I was two years old. I began taking growth hormone when I was two and a half, and I took an injection of it every night until I was fifteen. Ovaries produce estrogen and progesterone (the main female hormones responsible for breast development and menstrual cycles), but my ovaries do not produce those hormones, so I began taking hormone replacements when I was thirteen as well. 
    Different things have bothered me about having Turner's throughout my life. When I was younger (around 5-10 years old), it was the shot of growth hormone that bothered me. It hurt. Plus, I didn't think it was fair that my sister, who is two years younger than me, didn't have to have a shot. Then, once I got older and started middle school, I started to realize that I was different. That not only did my sister not have to take a shot, but nobody else I knew had to. I think I connected the shot with my feeling of being different, and the shot began to represent my differences. I remember some nights it would really hit my when I had to take the shot, and I would just start crying to my mom, saying things like, "I don't want to take the shot! Nobody else has to! Why am I different, why do I have to take it?" It was also around this time that I found out I would not be able to have kids, and began taking two hormones. This also made me feel different, because all the other girls didn't have to take pills to grow boobs or have their periods, and they would all be able to have kids when they wanted to. 
    I stopped the growth hormone half way through my Freshman year of high school, and that helped. I didn't have that reminder that I was different every night. I also started to mature, and realize that even though having to take a shot every night made me different, it also made me stronger. I also realized that a lot of women can't have kids, not just girls with Turner's, and that there were plenty of other options for me, like adoption. However, my infertility is now the hardest part of Turner's for me to deal with.